This is not a blanket description of why all men watch porn; I am only sharing my subjective experience. Specifically, I have the unique situation of not being raised by either of my parents (and on top of this, a single grandmother who separated from my grandfather while I was young as well). 

I have come to understand through practicing No Fap that ultimately our consumption of porn is just another form of escapism used to distract us from dealing with difficult emotions. It is unique in that it combines a virtual experience (observing sex) with sensual gratification, so it can also be compared to overconsuming other digital forms of media, and another abuse of the senses, like emotional eating.

Once I've understood the emotional basis, I dared to observe the precise reasons why I seek out porn. If I truly felt the sexual desire so strongly, then I could commit the act personally, with another human being, or I could pleasure myself to the idea of it without external help. But the feature of externality is what attracts me to porn.

Why would I want to seek out seeing other people having sex? And when I do so, how do I feel about those people? Firstly, because of my impotence, I have a considerable degree of respect for them. And because I can search up the exact girl or scenario that I desire, I can look to the man as a masculine role model for achieving what I desire. It is a psychological play in which two people more competent than I show me an example of what's possible in life.

Originally, however, your parents are supposed to be these competent people. 

When women are described to have daddy issues, they display their disorder by seeking the validation of men, abusing the senses through promiscuity. Masturbating to porn is also filling that lack of love, acceptance, and comfort that was not present in childhood due to not being raised by competent adults, specifically my birth parents.  

The one-sided nature of porn, in which the viewer is responding, physically and mentally, to an image of others who cannot respond, is indicative of the gap I feel between me and my non-present parents as a child. Likewise, this is also a gateway to submerging my sexuality and self-image into a virtual world.

The absence of parents of course forced me to rely on imagination. Other people other than my parents must be imagined to fulfill that role for me. Grandmother suddenly became "mother". I call my birth mother by her first name. There's little attachment. The other men around me also become a replacement for my father. My grandfather got the title, but because he was separated from my grandmother, the job was split between whoever else was around, to no great effect whatsoever.

Once things are broken, everything else is just compensation for that lack. The love I received thereafter was just imitations. If it will never be the real thing, then not having the real thing is okay (because otherwise, I would have succumbed to defeat without accepting the alternatives that I was given).

"Imitation love is okay."  

Virtual women, both 3D and 2D, can be acceptable forms of expressing or exhibiting love when a person is under this emotional stress. The virtual is much safer than in reality. The virtual can be controlled. But in reality, the other person can always walk away, just as my parents did, so trust issues will be inherent. Relationships are navigated without the proper subconscious evidence that healthy relationships between man and woman do exist and are possible for me. 

Sexual nature should be reserved and not buried behind virtual barriers. Emotions drive actions. The source of any poor habit of consumption is an inability to deal with difficult emotions. It is suppression.

The effect of the trauma is being enacted through a sexual act, but the trauma was caused during a non-sexual time; pre-pubescent childhood. Therefore, the solution is fundamentally non-sexual, as in, abstaining from sexual consumption to have the psychological capacity to resolve the underlying conflicted emotion.

Not being raised by one's parents leaves a hole in their psyche that is left unclear on how life in society can repair it. Many often subconsciously repeat their parental patterns; single mothers begetting single mothers. I may go forth and act out the psychological play myself by becoming the good parent I wish I had with my children. However, my brother having a child out of wedlock and only raising him for part of the year doesn't support the case for undertaking the endeavor myself.

I can either compensate or accept the defeat of my insecurity. But is there a life that can be lived that is not guided by this founding principle of insecurity? Does "abandoned child, single grandma" have to be the overarching theme for my whole life? ("Hi, I'm Todd and I'm an alcoholic.")

Can I become something more if I cross this chasm? 

Therefore, the only attractive option for me is to look within. To stare into the abyss of that hole.

-- See You on the Far Side.

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