Genlteman on a call in a phone booth by Malte Luk from Pexels

Feeling lost this morning

By fenix-aarizon | Fenix Mind Dumps | 12 May 2022

Gentleman on a call in a phone booth photo by Malte Luk from Pexels

Not compelled for anything, I mean there's one thing. I'd put out that umbrella and chairs, but that's just my gut feeling - something I feel I should do.

To go with the gut or go without?

What do you do when the sense of reason crowds the gut? I'd like to put out the umbrella and chairs but feel I should ask. This is not the way of manliness, is it though? Man does what is necessary, the moment he feels he should act. He does not question his motives or considers what others think of him. Man allows the others to see the product of his work - whether it is what he expected.

What matters is not what he thinks is acceptable to the majority, but what he knows is right within his heart. His gut feeling is usually correct, I think. I think the majority of men who feel the need to perform a certain act do so out of love, out of care for another - that they might not have to perform the work he knows he is capable & willing to do.

Man does what he believes is necessary and that has been the one correct thing man has done to this day; what is necessary.

Incomplete, broken

Though I am not a complete man as of yet. I doubt my motives and the product of my work shows as much. The product of my effort is seen by others as not confident. Much of my own action relates to the lack of effort as what boys do. Boys allow their mother to take care of it - this is my mentality going into adulthood at 30 years.

This is caustic to the epiphanies man must come to terms with & act on. The epiphanies man must act on are heavy burdens upon his mind. He must act, because man is solely responsible for himself & the well being of his family.

Many men may not know how to put into words how they feel about their manliness, but I believe these things, these words to be the truth about what I must, who I must become to consider myself a man.

Though I must add, this is only the start of manhood. This is not the end of it, it is not the entirety of it, either. Womanhood would be many things, too. I wonder what it is like to grow up as a girl, knowing she is a girl, and then developing the sense that she is a girl growing into womanhood. I would very much appreciate reading her perspective on the coming of age lessons of what womanhood regards.


I am experiencing a cognitive dissonance. It's that sensation you get when there exist two conflicting beliefs - these are real things. They are real feelings. The pain of dissonance is real.

Beliefs of what a person should do, how they should perform - that is real. The anxiety involved in not doing what one should do, because one has conflicting thoughts, regardless of whether it is a trivial matter.

This I suppose is where more serious problems & solutions originate. If I cannot overcome simple, trivial matters, how would I develop the sense for what is right for more serious matters? Surely this affects the minds of both boys & girls, men & women. Surely it must afflict those when they come to the realization that indeed, they do not have all their questions answered.

Doing what is right

Choices involved with every day life, such as helping push a boy, girl, man, or woman's car off the road. These are trivial matters that afflict those who consider the reality that these things will occur to them at some point. Do not let others down, even when we believe they ought to by another brand of writing utensil. Share your thoughts out of love for a Brother or Sister; not to hope they falter. Lift them up.

Every decision requires a particular set of gut feelings to act on. Each choice requires a sense to be informed before making a decision. Whether it is the gut or it is of reason; each thing we do in life requires fulfilling a sense.

Without our senses (like when we are drunk or high), we tend to act senselessly. We may in fact act insensitively.

Heavy lifting

Another part about performing the heavy tasks as a man imply the man is aware of how things mechanically function. The man prevents others from injuring them self out of ignorance. The man ought to know what happens when something delicate is dropped, so he would ensure only the strongest of the group pick up the item. He then directs the physically weak to guide them through the walkway. It is not that the weak one is useless, it is that he has a place and this place must be the thing the man recognizes and puts him there - so the weak one has a purpose too. Men are leaders in this way.

It might cause one to feel high-minded but I think God is of use, to prevent one man from becoming too proud. Even the most rigid men are in need of God's humble guidance. Even the most rigid of men can get hurt.

Bible study at home

My Mom and I began to study Revelation. In that, I learned that I believe in the allegorical underpinnings of the Bible. However and more importantly, I believe we're all searching for meaning, something which outlasts man himself.

God, as Francis Schaeffer put it, is a personal-infinite God and apparently the Christian sense of Him is the most valued in this respect.

Speaking of, I need to get back into reading Escape From Reason. It's apt of the moment, because I am trying to reason my way through life, because I don't trust my gut feeling alone. "God please let me Escape From Reason and perform works that you guide me through. Let me walk by faith, not by sight."

It's right to perform based on how I feel, I think, because my gut hasn't let me down yet.

Listen to your gut

I think gut feelings are important. This might be directly correlated with a healthy body. One which is relatively balanced. One that is stronger than most. I think we have such fast lives that many of our choices, our gut, goes unheard. It's warnings go unheeded. Ignored. I think men should be sensitive to how they feel. How they interact with others should be based more on their gut rather than their ego pride.

Let us not mention how we feel without also bringing up the fact that many jobs require men to perform duties they have to do out of protocol. This should be recognized early (before one gets themself into big trouble in places he wasn't prepared to be). The ethics of one's training comes into play when that person is subject to extreme situations, especially along the lines of life or death.

I think, and I could be wrong (I usually am), that men who get involved with work that is life threatening know what they want - whether they make a conscious choice about it.

Driven to battle

I think men have been driven to battle as naturally as women are driven to ensure there is a home to return to once he is back from war.

I think it's essential for a man to be tested to the extents God advises he experience. Without this outreach toward growth comes shortcomings. Out of this lack of knowing one's limitations come his demise. Man cannot live without seeking & pushing the limits. It just simply does not make sense for man to play it safe, all the time. It's self-defeating. Man must break things and learn how to fix them. It's necessary.

This has been the case for my Brother; a war veteran. He was always called to protect others and many of his stories from war were just as much about protecting other men who didn't know any better, as it was about the experience of being in the military.

Following the call

It's easy to see what someone else's calling is, but seeing our own may be difficult because of how much we're confused on what the goal is, or what purpose we have.

Let's allow our self time to realize who we are becoming and through that awareness, maybe - just maybe we will see that there is a way back to our truths. Those truths become self-evident when we ask God for help and dammit, Son - stop denying God from helping you. Get up and walk with Him and He shall guide you forth.

This is Fenix Mind Dump
- Until next time.


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