The next 15 - Pages 75 to 90
from Beyond our Bubble by Tania Israel
Pages 75 to 78
Breathing calms - the body reacts with fight flight, or freeze.
Someone with whom you're experiencing a conflict, [our body] perceives as a threat.
The perceived threat comes from:
- A forceful quality of speech
- Nonverbal communication
- Opposing views, identity, lifestyle
- Imagining the speaker to become violent
Some people can dish out anger but those same cannot deal at all with other people's anger, so I think we should be careful with who we think it's okay to raise our voice at.
You need to choose between venting or dialogue.
When we're feeling triggered, our usual response (the flighters) is to evade & vacate the premises. Gunshots are a great example of the flight response, but when dealing with the political divide, flight may be indicated by a desire to escape from an unpleasant conversation.
My favorite. Information overload. I freeze. I'm certain the only way I've survived three decades is through isolation. Freezing is like being young and being molested by someone older than us - and we're aghast with what just happened that our reality comes to a pause.
our body may not distinguish between lethal threat and verbal conflict but **our mind** can. If you are aware of and can anticipate how our body response to stress, [we can make better choices].
[Moving] forward entails
- Rebound versus reaction
- Shifting your mind
Rebound versus reaction - forward
This state of attention & adrenaline cannot be sustained. Also, the transition between high adrenaline and calm is activated by the "parasympathetic" nervous system.
Parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS) is basically one of three systems which control involuntary functions of the body.
The idea is to become aware of how we react and subsequently induce calm when we've evaluated the actual potential of legitimate threat.
If we desire strength in feeling threatened, then we must seek out those moments to help us realize our emotions are within our complete control. I wouldn't say to become dramatic & begin fighting everyone who doubts us, however.
Perhaps we can start by learning a martial art, so that our emotional response to threats are developed in a highly controlled & professional environment.
Awareness: the quality or state of being aware : knowledge and understanding that something is happening or exists
Tunnel vision: constriction of the visual field resulting in loss of peripheral vision
Get to know what stress feels like.
I think it's important to identify what causes stress, more than getting to know what it feels like. Things that are not inherently evil or damaging to our well being, we should seek through exploration, to find out at what point the stress is actually induced.
Define grounding (book): to establish calm and focus
- Breathing is one of the easiest ways to ground.
- Practice diaphragmatic breathing
The parasympathetic nervous system brings us equilibrium.
Becoming aware of your body in relation to how gravity pushes us into our chair can feel calming, like being held by a comforting force like hugs.
Grounding can help alleviate the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and other gripping emotional states; when used as a benefit to our calm.
Shifting our minds
Change our mental view of a situation. Shift perception & interpretation.
Develop an awareness of different contexts and what types of communication is appropriate for particular circumstances, such as discovering our inside & outside voices.
Learn how speakers adapt to their audience.
Being outraged takes a toll on the body. Especially if we're angry for a prolonged period of time.
My own Father, for example, when he was mad everyone knew - we were all sure to let him burn out his anger on his activities rather than try and talk to the man. My Brother is the same way these days. If he's not having a good day; it's best to avoid him at all costs, lest you'd be smite by his vengeance.
Maintain flexibility of outcomes [when engaging in dialogue with someone of opposing views].
[Remaining] flexible requires consistent awareness of attention to thoughts & feelings that arise through dialogue.
Again - GET. Gradual Exposure Therapy I think helps us get used to the potential for being threatened and more able to deal with our emotions which relate back to its basis in dialogue.
Dialogue is not meant to become a thing we use to win arguments (unlikes a debate); it's to develop understanding & respect of the other individual or speaker.
Gradual Exposure Therapy helps us realize what we feel is threatening - isn't only **not** threatening, but may in fact become a point which encourages the development of courage.
The main issue for me personally isn't actually the thing I fear - it's what must be done to face that fear. It's bringing myself to facing the fear that takes the most work - and by work, I mean effort.
It's a struggle to consciously place oneself in a vulnerable position and remain long enough to realize that most things we fear do not have a factor of lethality after all. That is surely what we fear most, isn't it? Lethal threats to our survival.
As read earlier in this book, the threat to our survival feels the same whether we're approaching an attractive woman & sexually desire them, or if we've come across a saber-tooth tiger in the prehistoric ages. It's a similar feeling. Fight, flight, or freeze. The Author writes about Forward; moving forward through realizing how afraid we are.
The fear of a thing isn't nearly as bad as approaching that thing, knowing how distressed we are by a situation.
That's what I've got for ya.
This is Fenix Book Reviews - until next time.