Photo of married couple by Tammy Mosley from Pexels

What do women want? This From the Ashes

By fenix-aarizon | From the Ashes | 8 May 2022


Photo of married couple by Tammy Mosley from Pexels

This is far removed from the last post in Fenix Mind Dump; one which made me seem like a womanizing, self-interested bloke. That was a cringe post. Never mind it though; I think without the lows of publishing trash, one cannot also experience something that would become more valuable.

The further I traveled toward the heart of my local old style metropolis meaning *not* cyberpunk whatsoever, the less I could drive myself deeper. I had planned to on driving up a tall parking garage to journal some more. I drove for about 20 minutes toward the city until I turned back to the wood & stucco suburbia from where I came.

The busyness of our own little lives; it all seems too appropriate. Seemingly out of time and places to be, we all shuffle along like we're more important than the homeless man who takes shelter beneath the freeway. I tend to have this inkling that I am a homeless wanderer as well. Yet - I have the many creature comforts that civilization has freighted into my body through a vast amount of waste in and of itself.

Don't ask for certain things; performance is better than asking for permission. Women I think in this manner want to be wooed and wooed. They want to feel special. This is why women dress how they do; I think they're in competition with the other women to be seen. I think young women today are more modest than I realize and they too are trying to fit into this idea of self-preservation.

I also think they're being driven mad by men who always want permission, because the men think the pop culture has decreed it is otherwise rude to suggest or assume what the woman wants from them.

So we have both sexes - both are trying their darnest to be conservative, but both are also at the whim of each other's flawless self-critique in how women dress and how men approach them.

So I say again: Don't ask for certain things; performance speaks louder than words.

  • By asking, we limit our own experience in the life of the person whom we want to play a part.
  • By asking, we make it awkward by acting in accordance with our gut feeling.

By asking, we are giving up control for the woman to make the choice; let me tell you this: She will always play it safe, "No thanks, I got it." instead of allowing the woman to feel that she needs to answer, provide the help regardless.

  • It is this part of manhood which speaks to womanhood: Confidence, character, compassion.
  • It is this part of womanhood that weeds out the frauds of manhood: Incompetence, weakness, cowardice.

Life is as serious as we make it but in that seriousness we can afford our self time to act freely. It is not in the absence of taking things seriously that we should behave no, it is indeed within being serious that we should behave openly.

For being without sincerity in one's tendency to appreciate the weight of the matter, of say, performing the dance with the woman, the woman shall feel the man is not valuing her presence appropriate for the occasion.

No woman wants to be with a man who doubts himself. Even on the outside a man who looks weak may have caught the eye of a woman's gaze for being a stoic. We do not know & should not judge based on appearance alone.

In that, I believe women feel toward men who think they are less than they truly are. The woman you are laying eyes on is waiting to be wooed into love. Let us not confuse this love with lust. Some women lust the way men lust, but most women seek shelter and comfort through the chaos of how unpredictable life can be.

Women want to be heard and felt loved more than the importance of their man being fit & handsome. If women truly felt toward men the way men feel toward women (appearance of being able to bear children, youthful, not manly) then we would be in dire straits. We would see that women also wait for the perfect looking man. Some do, but most; the vast majority do not wait for the chiseled chad that walks into their shoppe.

What do women want?

Women want what children want. If you cannot provide for a child, then it is unlikely you will be able to provide for a woman. She might wear what seems to us as skanky clothing, but that's because she's available. She hasn't found her man yet.

There is no shame in appreciating the curves of a young woman; that is the intended purpose, because most women are aware of the fact that men appreciate it. However, there is shame in making it solely about the sex appeal of the woman. There is shame for this, because it is taboo to bring up the fact that men & women want to be appreciated.

Women do appreciate the appearance of strength, the tallness of men towering before them. They like it because those long arms can protect her and their kids more aptly in the time that such a thing is necessary.

A little man does not have anything to fear however; being short means they will become better men if the fact that they are little is on their mind enough. Our insecurities can either drive us to become better men or it can drive us into isolation and mental anguish (me).

Don't ask, just perform

By asking, we seem too nice as if we're somehow unable, incapable, unwilling, inept, ignorant, too weak, too civilized. By asking women certain things, we strike out on the first swing (striking out is a baseball reference).

Women do not wait around for men who want to be allowed to be in their life; they take what they can get, because far too many men are truly, socially inept (like me). Many men are standing by the wayside, hoping they are picked. This is the world from which men do not raise men. Women raise men; this is catastrophic to a boy's manhood.

Have you ever met a fatherless girl? Sure, she does all the wrong things, but do you know why? Because she was raised without a father. Or worse yet, she was raised by a father who wanted permission to raise her. He was such a piece of shit that he was expecting her to help him rather than him structure the girl's life; punish her when she did wrong. It's just as important for a boy to be raised as a man, by a man - a straight man, at that.

It's important for men to stop acting like a pussy and try and fail and try again and fail again. That's life; it won't change just because pop culture says it should. It's in our DNA to try and fail until we succeed. This process of trial & error weeds out the losers and allows only the ones who aren't afraid of failure to succeed.

Making that leap from selfishness, from the "aesthetic," to the life of the ethical is what has, by design, been the use of men raising children. Once this is lost, boys & girls become adults and live a life of selfish desires. Like me, other men live to fulfill their own pleasure rather than perform the duties of a man. Rather than stand tall and get back up, men fall and wallow in the mire for far too long.

Could this be my manifesto to boys & men? Maybe.

Women don't want us to ask. They want us to make the choice. They want us to be sure - even if that isn't the best choice; a choice has to be made, and that choice is up to the man to make. I think that part of womanhood is what has always compelled men to become better men.

I think being raised outside of the public arena has allowed many men to flail about like children, being silly in face of dangers before them. Perhaps this is by design, perhaps this is just what happens when men & women reproduce under the effect of Heavy Metal Toxicity from highly industrialized, highly convenient lifestyles; they reproduce neurotic, atypical boys & girls who tend to jostle the pot and mix together the forms of male and female of their natural order.

Healthy risk taking

We become who we were meant to become through failure. It is only through so much failure that we learn there is a better self underneath the anguish we cause our self. The grief we cause our self is much more disastrous if we create something God did not intend for our life. Sexual relationships with strangers I think is one of them; men & women both have only so much time before they become irrelevant.

The ordeal of adulthood is time is ticking and we cannot get lost time back; we are either working toward building our life up or we are tearing it down. If you think you are merely maintaining something that will last forever, then you are sorely mistaken. Nothing lasts forever in this life. Not even one's happiness, but my guess is we are each worried about who will be there when we are not happy, when life is not going well. This is the dance we perform to weed out the weak ones.

Without hitting rock bottom like many more must experience now more than ever. It is unfortunate that today, men are artificially being propped up by the shallow expectations of today's pop culture. Through lies of the devil, men are taught that women want them to ask, as if women are these sensitive overly feeling humans, as if women are actually children.

Men who treat women like children will not become great fathers; they give up too much control to others to make their own decisions, to run a household. How could this man possibly be able to reproduce if not by a dunce herself?

The busyness of others

The others are aware or too busy to notice you are struggling, because they've already overcome the struggles you face. Let us not concern ourself with the busyness and matters of the others. Let us become comfortable knowing we are mentally less capable than the others. Let's allow our self to realize we are immature but not remain here for too long. Let's grow up.

I was so far into convincing myself I was less than what is necessary to achieve who I need to become, but that's merely because I had to hit my rock bottom, to realize I am truly alone, to know there is no Father beside the One true God to lead me to better pastures.

Christian faith is great for single involuntary celibate, because what I have become today is an empty shell of a person. I'm miserable, because I think I need permission to exist. Well, I exist - therefore I cannot get permission for already being. I cannot excuse myself either, for that is cowardice.

Half the battle is showing up for one's own life and the other half is coming to the realization that one must perform and then performing what one realized is what one ought to do.

I'm so far into believing I've failed, even though every day brings a new dawn.

Life is about taking risks. Some of us end up taking the wrong kinds of risks, thereby destroying our sense of self-worth, before actualizing what is necessary to attain the next level of awareness. To attain the level of the ethical stage of life, we must hit the rock bottom of the aesthetic life.

One cannot simply glide through their entire life and remain content in the aesthetic; the aesthetic is fleeting and addictive. Living a life which aims to pleasure the self over and again is one that builds tolerance to appealing the senses. This is the life of an addict in the raw nature of the aesthete.

One who merely goes along the life of the aesthetic will not truly see that he can step off the carousel of pleasure. To be slung off of the pleasure carousel through mental anguish and despair is the point from which one can begin to walk, after he gets back up, out of the amusement park entirely.

One who is deep into their addiction of the aesthetic lifestyle will merely get up just enough to walk to the next ride. The rides in the park of despair have no safety comforts of real amusement parks; this is essential for one to realize he has fallen.

Such is life; to have known one has fallen is not to be picked up by a mother or father - but to fall before the Lord and be humbled through his own despair. This is what men will realize sooner or later. Pop culture is not reality and men are not supposed to be raised by women.

Sure, you can appreciate the dress of a woman's intent to capture one's gaze, but let it be pleasant and appropriate. Let yourself not be tied up by the lust of the flesh, but recognize another person's longing for affection. Let the words which are let by our tongue be safe for children's ears. Let us speak as if we are speaking to a sister or a mother. That is what my friend was getting at.

Let us treat the women like they are someone we want to be happy. Let us treat them with respect and not stare at their cleavage or their butt. They are searching for something, someone, somewhere and if we are to notice it - let them be who they are, because it is unlikely we are there for the same reasons if we are judgmental of them.

Women want who believes in their own choice to act. The moment man gives up control to a woman is the moment the life with that woman is lost. Become aware that you've given up this control and flirt no more. Do not entertain a life with this woman; to her, you're no good, or at least, you have a lot of work to do. Most women know this in their gut; to allow that man into their life would be a mistake.

What do women want? Confidence, carefulness.

Humble yourself before God

Not all who dress in revealing clothing are trying to get everyone's attention. I think I can become hateful when my own opinions are artificially mimed & echoed by people who seem to agree or think I am correct. It's apparent however, that I am furthest from correct.

I have such a narrow & extreme perspective of women's sexuality or even my own; it becomes dangerous to write about "truths." Those things I write become cringe material. Listen: I'm not correct. I'm furthest from correct.

I'm highly disrespectful to the majority who just want to be able to express them self and not be shamed into the dark, expressionless, dry death of an existence which my own struggle. I have become this empty shell of a person - I wear the same outfit most days. I prefer black or gray shirts because I feel dark & dreary. I'm miserable. Don't take heed to my thoughtless expression of the cringe.

Can we not find a median?

This is when I hold this belief that the church wants me to remain miserable. Even I have moments when I begin to wrongly affirm that somehow the mire IS my purpose. The church is not the thing which I can justify my misery in; the church wants me to grow up and take hold of my manhood...that sounded sexual.

I mean that to say I need to stand up for myself, become who I was meant to be and be a man about it. Become confident and become someone a woman would want to marry. Do not be foolish, do not wallow in the insignificance of the feeling of the pathetic.

Who would naturally choose Soren Kierkegaard unless they were trying to justify their own misery? My friend spoke of Soren's love of Regina. He left her to follow Christ. I think my church does not want me to remain celibate forever; I think it wants me to grow up and become a productive member of society; not to propagate this idea that I should castrate myself, though my friend said that is the most holy. Fuck that. If that's really what my church wanted from me, I would ditch them like a bad habit.

Is darkness actually the light? No.

What do people want? How can one balance what one wants against what one ought to do? How can I counter-attack the darkness deemed by Christian as light without the light overcoming every part of my existence? Is it not the point of the darkness to pretend to be the light? To be completely encapsulated by the darkness is what the lies of the devil want us to believe in fully.

Let's allow our self to see things as they are. We need someone to protect and someone needs us to protect them. Let us not get lost in our desire to fuck.

Self-expression is the thing which the darkness would deem as truth & light. Self-expression came through the totality of the autonomous man and is in fact not a correct thought-form that is productive to the Christian stoic.

The dark is perhaps living a life uninhibited, led by sole desire. However, those who say the extremes of "Cut your nuts off; God will be pleased." are literally soda-masochist. Do not believe them. They are also wrong. God created man in the image & likeness of God himself. He does not want us to mutilate our body. If this is what the Bible says, then I will justly throw out the Bible as a point of truth.

Full circle: This is I think the Christians urging me to consider my thinking is impure and needs to be purified. My own sense of sexuality in this moment I know - is wrong. How can I throw together the words to justify my own sense of sexuality when I know it is impure? I cannot. Do not be fooled by those who do.

Preaching the "extremes" of celibacy is not helping me build character, yet they speak to me on these fronts, because that is on my mind most of the time I speak with the church people. They are smart to speak on the things which matter to their congregation; they try to listen to what is on the minds of their people. They are open to discussing the advantages of their ways of life and have those part of the church who are examples of the downfalls of living the life of pleasure.

"Don't hit on the women in here. They're likely taken. It is better to assume they are taken, because if you do not, you risk losing the ability to coming here." the barista declares at a particularly quaint coffee shop.

Moral correctness

I can claim the people who preach to me haven't lived as long as I have, but I would be wrong. Most of the people are well aware of all their sins in the church; if they are not and they pretend to be better than you, then find another church. My Pastor, in men's bible study, tends to go out of his way to speak on his past experience with pornography. Perhaps it's just fabulous; the optics of a pastor speaking of immorality as his own issue; this must be telling of what there is to see within this place, if the head pastor is preaching to himself.

So we may think for some, that it is easy for them to sit on their high horse to preach and make wild claims about what is right & moral, yet the side of the actual immoral; the side who live the life of lies & addiction does not seem to appeal more than the strength of men who can humbly speak on their own sins.

Straight talk from church

The men of my church will be straight with me without causing me to feel afraid of them. They will tell me what is wrong and they will treat the issue as serious as it ought to be. They will urge me to change my ways, but they will not walk with me into my own destruction if I so choose to go without becoming a part of them as would be the case, to be baptized is to be accountable & repent.

Seeing women as sexual objects who dress to gain the mere sexual appreciation of men is beside the point of why women dress that way. There is more to it than that. And furthermore, why do I find myself hanging around the places which women feel the desire to show off their body, anyway?

The one couple I infrequently bring up, were those who were living a self-defeating lifestyles to the highest degree; living to satisfy their own senses. I am currently disgruntled by my own inability to distinguish what is real and what are lies. How could I see that how I feel toward women is somehow justifiable?

It's Mother's Day, I expect you should be spending time with your Mother.
Try to get off work early to take your Mom out to dinner.

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From the Ashes
From the Ashes

Let us take care in exactly what we ask for, for seeking wisdom breeds turmoil.

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