We don't own a TV, read newspapers or listen to the radio. So I tend to not keep up with the current news. Unless it crypto related and even that can be pretty boring and repetitive in the main crypto channels.

Wednesday 4 March

While trolling on Twitter, I noticed #toiletpapercrisis was trending in Australia. Everyone loves toilet humour, so I had to check what the fuss was all about.  Spent some time laughing at the silly people panicking. Could this shit be for real.

That night walking home from the beach, I called in to the local Coles supermarket, to grab some grocery items for my dinner and the next day. Out of curiosity, I had to check out the toilet paper aisle. It was empty. WTF. The #toiletpapercrisis had hit Perth too?

I had to take the selfie and send to my family in New Zealand. I apologise, as some people my find this offensive.

perths answer to the Cvirus.

stock up on toilet paper.

apparently it gives you the shits.

I hung around for awhile and watched as people approached the toilet paper aisle. Every one was stunned, every second person took a selfie and every fourth person sheepishly looked around a few times and grabbed a pack of hand towels instead. If you cut them in half you get 2 toilet rolls??

I asked the lady stacking shelves, what gives. She said they had placed a Christmas order and the truck will arrive tonight. All good.

Thursday 5 March

Called in again to the local Coles on way home home from beach. No toilet paper again. Asked the checkout person what happened. She said that they ran out early that morning.

Coronavirus crisis: Trailer loaded with panic buying staple toilet roll erupts into flames in Queensland

Friday 6 March

While at a neighbouring shopping mall, I stopped at the Woolworths to get some fruit to eat. There was 10 packs of Quilton Double Length toilet paper sitting there. Another selfie.

Scored some Quilton Double Length toilet rolls from Woolies @ Karrinyup.

Just got to get them home without getting mugged.

Also bought 3 packs black rice and 2 bananas, so I didnt look like a complete moron.

If you don’t eat you don’t shit

Jokes aside, what was puzzling me, was why toilet paper? So I decided to  DYOR. I asked my Ola driver what gives? He was full of information, opinions and stories. We had a great ole time. Apparently 40% of Australian toilet paper comes from China. No shit. A bit of Googling and DuckDuckGo quickly confirmed what the Ola driver had told me.

Also learnt some interesting things about toilet paper

• the first use of toilet paper was recorded in China in 6th Century AD.
• In order to advance decomposition of the paper in septic tanks or drainage, the paper used has shorter fibres than facial tissue or writing paper. The manufacturer tries to reach an optimal balance between rapid decomposition (which requires shorter fibres) and sturdiness (which requires longer fibres).
• Americans use an average of 23.6 rolls per capita a year. 50% more than the average European country or Japan. It's not what you think, it's got nothing to do with being full of it. Other countries use the bidet or spray hoses to clean themselves. Amazing, it's water soluble, some one should have told the Australians.

Sunday 8 March

Women charged after Sydney supermarket toilet roll row

Link to watch the video of people fighting over toilet paper is in the resources.

Friday 13 March 

On way home from the beach, I called into the local Coles. Again no toilet paper. Asked the check out person, what gives? Her answer was there is a truck due but they don't know when or how many toilet rolls will arrive. So it only took 10 days to turn into an actual toilet paper crisis. May be those people stockpiling toilet paper weren't so stupid after all.

Saturday 14 March

I went into town to attend a meditation seminar at the Perth Library. We were asked for our name and phone number just in case one of has the dreaded Cvirus. Then the health authorities could back track to see who else to test. All part of their containment procedures.

On my way home stopped at Kukulas Bros to get some bulk seeds and grains. Just in case. Mung Beans and Hemp Seeds were out of stock. 3 kg limit imposed. The place was packed. Bought some more chick peas, chia seeds, red and black rice. Just in case.

Stopped at a little trendy looking burger joint. While waiting for my meal, I read the local paper. These were some of the headlines.

• Member of Parliment tested for Coronavirus after falling ill.
• Kate Perry flees Australia after her 24 hour lockdown in Sydney Hotel
• Tom Hanks and wife test positive for Coronavirus (stayed same Hotel as Kate Perry)
• Gatherings over 500 people banned.
• Sporting Events go ahead behind closed doors. (cricket, rugby league, Ozzy Rules)
• Overseas Travel not Recommended.

Now I remember why we don't own a TV or read newspaper or listen to the radio. It gives you the shits and there is no toilet paper.

Urgent Update March 15

"who gives a crap" is not a twitter meme but a real Australian company that sells the real thing and donates 50% of their profits to help builds toilets. No trees were hurt or killed in the making of the toilet paper.

A big thank you to Dragonate for bringing this to my attention.  

The #toiletpapercrisis - Brasilian and Australian Second Editions