Have you ever woken up one day to find yourself in a Zombie Movie. Surreal and kinda exciting. The last week I feel like I have been playing the lead in a real live Zombie Movie.
(I feel this is going to be a very long post. I apologise in advance. But I find it very therapeutic getting out whats bouncing around in my head).
This all started as a Twitter meme and The #toiletpapercrisis : Australian First Edition was spawned. It was toilet humour at it's worst.
A week went by and the world was changing before my eyes. The #toiletpapercrisis - Brasilian and Australian Second Editions .
Spain goes into lockdown.
My wife was staying put in Brasil, no way she was getting on a plane with 300 other people for 24 hours.
I learn that "who gives a crap" is not just a Twitter meme but a real Ozzy company that sells the real thing and donates 50% of their profits to help build toilets. No trees were hurt or killed in the making of the toilet paper.
That little piece of information was bought to my attention by Dragonate. And I promptly did an Urgent Update March 15 of acknowledgment.
Third Edition.
I live in Perth and have family and friends in Brasil, New Zealand and Australia. Each morning after meditating, while preparing my breakfast ritual, I make use of the free calls to New Zealand and Brasil.
New Zealand
While it is only 5 hours ahead in time it seems New Zealand is about a week ahead when it comes to taking decisive action.
Tomorrow the banks close their doors. The Post Office is also closing as it is not deemed an essential service.
But they never ran out of toilet paper.
And New Zealand has had travel restrictions in place for....it seems like forever.
BEWARE this may contain stunning scenery and mouth watering images.
There was a widely reported story on social media about a Helicopter Pilot who was going to take a couple of tourists to visit The Remarkables.
At the time any one who entered the country had to go into self isolation for 2 weeks.
The Pilot casually asked the couple how long they had been in the country. They replied they only arrived yesterday. The Pilot dropped them off at the local Police Station. They would have been promptly deported to where ever they had come from.
Coronavirus in NZ: Tourists to be deported from New Zealand for failing to self-isolate on arrival.
The New Zealand people are friendly and very welcoming. And love nothing better than sharing Godzone with strangers. But if you are stupid enough to show gross disrespect then be prepared.....
Just ask the 2 French Agents, Dominique Prieur and Alain Mafart, how that worked out for them.
Opération Satanique, was a bombing operation by the "action" branch of the French foreign intelligence services, the Direction générale de la sécurité extérieure (DGSE), carried out on 10 July 1985. They sank the Greenpeace Flagship the Rainbow Warrior, that was on it's way to protest against a French nuclear test at Moruroa.
Or the British Bogan Tourists who run amok in January 2019
British 'gypsy' family will be DEPORTED from New Zealand
oops I got side tracked back to the plot.....
My daughter works at a Health Studio in Papamoa. Her place of work has been closed by government edict. She now runs her classes by video conferencing. At home they have a freezer full of meat, they have got a vegetable patch and fruit trees on their quarter acre pavlova paradise.
My mum is a worry. She has always had a problem with doing as she was told. Apparently if you are over 70 years of age, you were not allowed to leave your house. Mum is 86 and according to her, she is lucky she doesn't look like a 70 year old and gets away with visiting the local Woolies supermarket.
When I last talked to my brother he had just got back from playing golf. He was taking advantage of the lack of tourists at his local Golf Club. Apparently New Zealand is a tourist destination for golfers. I could never work that one out, it is such a boring game. Chasing a small white ball around the country side with a stick.
My middle son when not managing Bay of Plenty Cricket is busy being the hunter gather. He was on his way back from the East Cape with some supplies to top up the freezer.
If you are a tourist operator, work in New Zealand's tourist industry, or are a tax collector then it's going to be tough going. But there is no reason for any one in New Zealand to go hungry, not with 39 million sheep. There should be a lot less head on collisions with people struggling with driving on the left-hand side. Less rubbish left on the beaches.
Brasil
I found out through some one who worked at the Joondalup Hospital that Western Australia had just had it's first secondary infection confirmed. And it was rumoured that travel restrictions where to be tightened. Only Australian passport holders would be allowed into the country.
Brasil is 11 hours behind, so my morning is their evening.
My wife was unsure whether to stay holed up at her brothers Fish Farm and ride it out. The Fish Farm is situated at the end of a winding gravel road, the gates are locked, no-one is allowed in or out. While safe, she may not get home till next summer at the earliest.
Or does she run the gauntlet.
I couldn't make that decision for her.
She decided to come home. But wanted to sort it in the morning. "No babae, we need to act now."
I tried to ring the Emirates 1300 number, system overload. They can only put so many people on hold and it kicks the rest off. Shit.
The website wouldn't let you manage or change your flight.
I grabbed an Ola into town to visit the Emirates office. There is no fking office. It closed a year ago and of course no-one thought to change the bleeding website information.
Some kind person who worked in the building, suggested I needed to go to the airport.
At the airport I find Emirates only have one flight leaving at 10.10 pm. Checkin doesn't open until 7.00 pm. I have to wait 6 hours to speak to some one from Emirates.
Lucky I had bought my laptop and was able to hotspot from my mobile. I tried ringing Emirates in Dubai. No free calls to Dubai. $3 would buy $1 of credit and at $2 per minute, I quickly used up all my credit. I tried to ring my telco provider but their systems were also overloaded. Gave up on that idea.
I did get through to the travel insurance company but they could only help after you miss your flight or lose your luggage. They couldn't help to rebook my wife's flight.
I noticed a lady with an Emirates uniform behind a counter. I wandered up and and explained the situation. "Sorry sir but we don't handle bookings" AAGGGHHHH!!!!!!!! She did suggest that they had an office upstairs that opened at 7.00pm, maybe they could help.
The office had a sign on the door to ring the 1300 number for assistance. At that stage of things I had been practicing the Zombie Walk when confronted by groups of people, you just veered around them. It was long before it was given the official name of Social Distancing. I decided to stay there, as it was quiet and no one was around, a safe place. But people soon started to gather outside the office. Oh well.
An Emirates guy turns up at the office, to tell us that they won't be opening the office tonight and we should ring the 1300 number. We explained that it was over loaded and we had been trying all day. He shrugged his shoulders and said something about he had people to get on a plane and left.
I decided to stay at the airport as it had good internet and keep trying. It was about 6.00 pm and the 1300 number rang through and I was put on hold. I think the rest of Australia had given up or were on their way home or having an early dinner. But one hour 20 minutes later a nice man was able to rebook my wife's flight for the next evening. It included a detour via São Paulo but there was no extra fees or charges as the airline had waived them. You beauty.
While I was on the phone, I asked if he would be kind enough to help this British lady and her elderly father, who wanted to get back to the UK, as she had also been trying to get through. Sure not a problem. I suggested to the lady she could use my phone as long as she didn't mind using my ear plugs. She didn't mind at all.
Their flight was rebooked but they would have to wait 3 days. I will never know whether they made it home or got stranded en route or even left Perth.
The old fella stood up and and wanted to give me some money for using my phone. "No way bro". That's Kiwi for "No thank you sir but I can't accept your kindness".
"I know it's illegal but I am going to give you a hug". And I gave his daughter a hug too and wished them both well and hoped they made it home.
By the time I made it home my wife had received confirmation of her flight details.
- babae you need to get some sleep.
- before you leave put salt in a bottle and add water when you get on plane and gargle continually.
- take heaps of vitamin c and olive leaf extract.
- if you get put next to some one who is sniffing or coughing then ask to be moved.
- wear the goddam mask, I don't care how fking stupid you look.
She was going to being travelling through Dubai which is too bloody close to Iran for comfort. Iran and Italy both went into lock down about the same time, so the area was a hotspot. The Dubai airport was closed so no-one was allowed in or out. They only allowed you to pass through.
Australia
It was a risk that at any time one of the airports could be closed to all flights. But she made it home.
She got an Ola from the airport to home. I left the side door open for her. She began her 14 day self isolation. Apparently the day she arrived counts as day one. Cool bananas.
The spare room has its own ensuite, so my wife does not need to go anywhere. I had prepped the room with flowers from the garden in vases, clean sheets and towels, some basic health supplements and supplies.
I leave her meals at the end of the hall way. She comes and picks up the meal. And leaves the dirty dishes. Once a day I put on my disposable surgical gloves and collect the dishes and wash her dishes separately with hot water.
She can sit outside her door and have her meal and I sit up the driveway and we talk about stupid shit. We keep the social distance plus a bit more.
Every day I go out into Zombie Land and try and find food that we will need to survive the coming winter. I get to practice the Zombie Walk. I have noticed the females are more conscious of the new normal and acknowledge my weaving around them. Men just walk straight past, totally oblivious.
That may partly explain why they found in Italy, 60% of cases were men and 40% were women. It's not just that men have poor hygiene habits but maybe the male ego is a factor too.
Everyday it is a little bit quieter in Zombie Land.
Today I got 1kg fresh beetroot and 2 tins of Tuna Slices. The last time I saw toilet paper at a supermarket was on 6th March when I scored some Quilton Double Length. The packet is still unopened. We thought we might save it for when we have guests, one day in the not too distant future. Or we could hand it down to our grand children. That could be fun trying to explain to them what toilet paper was used for. "But grand dad, you know it is water soluble".
Scored some Quilton Double Length toilet rolls from Woolies @ Karrinyup.
Just got to get them home without getting mugged.
Also bought 3 packs black rice and 2 bananas, so I didnt look like a complete moron.
If you don’t eat you don’t shit
Be Safe and Take Care of Your Family
The sun will come up again in the morning and set again in the evening.
My wife and I will be sitting on Sunset Hill every evening to watch the sun sink into the Indian Ocean.
