By the time we reach young adulthood, most of us have been hurt, disappointed, used, mistreated, lied to, betrayed (and most likely have done some of those things to someone else at least once). Entering “grown up” life with a heavy baggage of emotional (and sometimes physical) damage doesn’t help at all no matter how many times you say “It’s life experience, I’ve learned from it, it made me who I am.” Yes, it did, but unless you’ve succeeded in working on all that psycho-emotional mess, figured out your learned patterns of behavior and trauma-induced reactions to whatever’s happening in your world, past experiences can make present relationships murky, stained. But the main “secret” of beautiful, long sought closeness with the one you love is just the opposite — absolute clarity.
Openness is challenging. It’s a daring step into the unknown, away from false comforts and securities of hiding. Relax your shoulders, stop clenching, look into their eyes, and make a decision to be your most honest You the best you can.
A leap of faith, a gift of trust — something that becomes a challenge for them to bear as well. And from then on, both keep becoming more raw, more genuine with every step. Watch your fingers uncontrollably form into a fist and use your determination to stretch the joints, to open palms.
Their chest is an arm stretch away, and behind the rib cage covered by layers of skin and muscles there is their heart. Are we really separate? Are we alone? Hiding is what creates and recreates separation and loneliness, and if you can’t dare to open up to the one you call your partner in everything, the experience of loneliness while standing next to that human being becomes unbearably painful. It’s never the miles and the physical limitations that feed separation, although those can be painful too. It’s this looking into someone’s eyes and saying “I love you” but then keeping secrets and closing invisible doors to the most vulnerable spaces of your self.